Sunday, October 16, 2011

This is so hard.

I've been doing really well these last few weeks, but the last 2 days have been really rough. I'm really starting to miss him badly. It's so hard going to bed alone every night, I want him with me. I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights, and I've been waking up really stiff and hurting. I'm contemplating going and getting a massage. Maybe it would help. 

I have another Dr's appointment on the 28th. More trouble with my body, I'm so tired of this. I want a baby of my own someday, but I just don't see all this as being worth it. I'm tired of being tired, I'm sick of periods every 2 weeks, I'm SO tired of worrying about it. And you can't tell me not to worry, because any woman would. 
This headache just won't go away. I've had it for 2 days now. My allergies are driving me nuts.

I rearranged our living and dining room. Packed up all the summer clothes and brought out the winter stuff. I'm getting super excited for the cold weather! Wish December would hurry up and get here, this is taking way too long. 
Still trying to find a job. I've put in several applications, and still nothing. Hope something comes through soon. It would really help the time go by faster, and it would help us save a little extra money. I have a few other places I'm looking into putting applications in with, so hopefully something works out. 

Well, I think that's all for me tonight. I'm going to relax with my Netflix, and maybe eat something completely unhealthy for me. Bye til next time.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


I absolutely hate it when someone tells me they're going to do something, and then they don't do it. No matter what it is. I understand that sometimes emergencies come up. But when something's not an emergency and you allow it to prevent you from doing something you said you were going to do, it really makes me question your trustworthiness. When you give your word about something, whether you say "I promise." or not, I expect for you to carry out what you said you'd do. Is that expecting too much from someone? 'Cause the way I was raised, that's just the polite and honorable thing to do. 

I'm missing my husband's company tonight. I did get the opportunity to hear from him twice today, which really made my day. I love him with all my heart and soul, and I hope he knows that I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. He gives me strength, fills me with love and happiness, and brings out the silly parts of me that no one else in the world will ever see. I'm so glad to have someone in my life that I can count on to always have my back, and to always keep his word. His faithfulness, honesty, loyalty and love have no equal as far as I'm concerned. He's been the only one I could really and truly rely on for the last 4 years. He has restored my soul in ways that no one else has been able to do. He is the best husband in the world. 
I've been busying myself today with housework and grocery shopping. Trying to get caught up on the mountain of laundry I have accumulating in my laundry area. It's starting to creep down my hallway, and I simply will not allow that. I have a few large blankets that need to be taken to the laundromat because my washing machine sucks and isn't big enough for such large comforters. 

It's getting that time of the year, where the snuggling blankets are coming out, I'm buying ingredients to make those hot, "stick-to-yer-ribs" kind of meals. I love this time of the year, it's my absolute favorite. I have a couple of candles lit in my dining room tonight, and they are just about burnt out. Guess I'll be making a trip to the dollar store soon to replace them. I bought the ones that smell like pumpkin. I think I'll buy some more that smell like that, and I think I'll get some cinnamon ones, as well. My two favorite scents. 
I may have found a job, and I'm waiting for the call. Hoping everything works out and I get it, this job would be perfect for me! Pray for me, that I do get the job, it really is perfect for my needs and desires right now.

Hope all is well in your homes tonight. Remember that we are approaching a very wonderful season, and we should remember to be thankful for all the many blessings that God has bestowed upon our lives. Thanking Him for the many wonderful things in my life, the people and the events of this year. Even in spite of some serious health scares, He delivered me from that, and I will forever praise His healing powers!!

Monday, September 26, 2011

About to face my biggest fear...

I don't even know how to do this. I'm about to face my biggest fear. The thing I have been dreading the most over the last 4 years... ever since I fell in love with him. I'm terrified. My heart is aching so badly, I physically feel the pain. 

I'm trying my hardest not to concentrate on it, just focus on being with him. But how do I do that when the countdown has officially begun, it's time to start the packing process, and I'm preparing to say goodbye to my very best friend in the whole world for the next 2 months and 3 weeks?! 

I spent all of last night sobbing. It's getting to the point where I can hardly look at him or talk to him without bursting into tears. I'm not afraid for my safety here alone. I have wonderful new friends that live right below me, so I know I'm safe. If I needed anything, they'd be there. But the emotional side of it all... crawling into bed every night, alone... wanting so badly to be held, to be kissed, to just be able to snuggle with him on the couch and watch a movie together. The quiet, intimate moments... How am I supposed to function every day, for almost 3 months...without the one thing I crave to get through my days? I'm praying so hard for strength. 

I know that this could absolutely be worse. After all, it's a relatively short deployment, considering what most of them are... and I'm incredibly thankful for that. But that doesn't change the fact that he's going, nonetheless. It doesn't change the fact that he will be gone. I will be without him. 

I'm leaning so hard on my Mom and new very wonderful friend, Kachiri. Were it not for her, I couldn't do this. I'm grateful to have someone who has promised to make sure I don't suffer through this alone. I'm thankful that God has placed her in my life. She's a truly wonderful person. I love her to pieces. 

I know this sounds a lot like rambling... I'm sure over the next few months, there's going to be a lot of that. So my apologies for the next few months... but it's going to be a rough, long road... and I'm going to need SOMEWHERE to vent my frustration, pain, loneliness and sadness, without fear of judgement or repercussion of my feelings. I'm sorry, tonight's blog is a little on the downer side. I'm trying....

Saturday, September 24, 2011

A rainy day in VA

Today is a rainy day. However, I'm loving it! My hubby and I laid in bed until almost 1:00pm just snuggling. Really rather nice way to start off my day. After that, we've been snuggling on the couch, just watching Netflix all afternoon. I have been semi-productive and have done a few loads of laundry, but nothing much other than that.

I'm sad, because he's leaving in 9 days. Were if not for my friends and family, I wouldn't be able to handle this. I'm still struggling. But I'm praying for God to give me strength, and help me to remain focused on the things I want to accomplish while he is away. I am asking for encouragement, prayers and support from all who may see this. 
All my love.

Friday, September 23, 2011

My very first blog entry...

Today has not been a good day. I woke up extremely exhausted to start off with. I was supposed to go to a job fair for military spouses, but was too tired to even get up to get ready. So I didn't go. I began, instead, my day with dishes, laundry, and other household chores. Ah, such is the life of a housewife. Not that I regret being one, mind you. After all, it is my choice. I enjoy taking care of our home. But as of late, I haven't had the motivation. I think it's because my depression is taking hold on me, and I haven't been able to kick its butt back. Working on that, though.

This evening, while working on other things around the house, I had a load of laundry going. We live in an apartment with a very small kitchen, yet this is where they saw fit to put our washing machine. We have one of those portable washers, the kind that you attach to the sink with a house and wash your clothes. Now I'm not so much opposed to that idea, just that it's a pain in the butt, and a real inconvenience if you're trying to do other things like, say, oh, dishes, or cook a meal. Then it's a real pain. Nonetheless, I wasn't paying attention, and the sink stopper somehow slipped down into the sink, plugged the drain, and filled the sink with water. Said water managed to flow out onto the kitchen floor, creating a small pond in my kitchen!! UGH!! It took 8 towels to clean up all the mess... thank goodness I was already in the process of doing laundry for the week, otherwise I would've been quite upset. On top of that, my hubby is gone for the night, and don't even get me started on the Navy. I don't have time for that tonight.

Well, first blog, not the greatest I'm sure.. but tonight I'm tired and a little bummed out, perhaps more on that later.

Goodnight fellow bloggers!